"True story: This vintage robot was discovered in an abandoned barn filled with multiple severed body parts. Most of the body parts were papier-mâché, but still. You know what “papier-mâché” is? It’s French for “chewed paper”. Which means that this freaky, haunted robot was in someone’s mouth. Probably Satan's if I had to guess. I don’t know. I’m not good at crafts.
Here’s what I do know though: This marionette is so magical that it moves without strings. Instead it plugs in. And it’s so haunted that it doesn’t even work when you plug it in. But one time when it wasn’t plugged in it *totally* moved. And then I sh— myself. And then I put it in the attic so that it couldn’t eat my face but it keeps showing up on my pillow almost every night that I have a fight with my husband. Which is weird because HOW DOES IT KNOW?
The good news though is that this totally creeptastic, possibly haunted, guaranteed-to-screw-up-your-kids-forever, faux-marionette can be yours for the low, low price of whatever people are willing to pay for it. Condition: Totally f-ed up. But in kind of an awesome way. Like if Tim Burton and John Waters had a baby and that baby was a drummer.
UPDATED: OMG, YOU GUYS. I just went outside to take pictures of it and ITS HEAD FELL OFF AND ROLLED ACROSS THE FLOOR. At first I thought this would be a negative selling point but then I realized that now I have twice as many parts for you to buy. Also, I looked inside the head and guess what it was stuffed with? Children’s souls and old blood. Or tissue paper. Same difference. Plus, the bottom part is crazy heavy so that’s why shipping is so much, but if you decide you just want the head I’ll ship it to you for free and then send the body to the Catholic church so that they can destroy it before it eats our souls and kills all the cats in the neighborhood. EVERYONE WINS."
Crazy right?! The seller is actually The Bloggess, a comedic writer. Here's the actual ebay listing where the questions and answers will also make you chuckle.
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